This.Life.Starts.Now.

Live Life, Laugh & Smile, Love Lots

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A Peek At Me in the Present

Thank you,  for the tag. Thought it was time to get a little up close and personal

Rules: Just insert your answers to the questions below.

Name: Narmadha Christina Ajithkumar

Nickname: X-tina, Chrissy, Narm, Narms,

Birthday: June 9th 

Gender: Female

Height: 5’1”

Time Zone: EST

What time and date is there: August 31, 11:39PM

Average hours of sleep I get each night: Non-school hours 6-8, school hours 1-5

OTP: Meredith and Derek from Grey’s Anatomy

The last thing I Googled was: OTP because I am not hip with acronyms and short-forms of today

First word that comes to your mind: Levelled

What I last said to a family member: I love you

One place that makes me happy and why: The beach, particularly Grand Bend at Pinery Ridge. It’s secludedness and small crowd compiled with the warm sun and vast water just make it seem like you are at your own private beach. I love the sunset there and just being one with nature in these quiet, intimate moments you spend away from the hustle and bustle of your normal life.

How many blankets I sleep under: 1 always and a sheet

Favourite beverage:  Variations of Lemonade 

The last movie I watched in the cinema: Guardians of the Galaxy

Three things I can’t live without: Books, The people I love of my family and friends, food, television and films.

Something I plan on learning: How to cook a wider variety of things and survive in a long distance relationship.

A piece of advice for all my followers: Always be ready to meet people. Whether you are in a relationship or you are single, who you meet in your life should not depend on romantic prospects. Just be open and receptive to meeting new people, the world is so interesting and adventure-filled, you never know who you may find when you have the right mindset. Be ready to smile, make small talk, find common ground and just make good first impressions. Always listen attentively, ask questions and make eye contact you can discover the most interesting and unique individuals this way.

You have to listen to this song: Str8 Outta Mumbai - Jai Paul

My blog(s): www.thislifestartsnow.tumblr.come

Filed under peronsal truth

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I Always Imagined I’d Be The Perfect Girlfriend…

In my youth I was always lamenting about being single. About all the jerks, the bad guys, the insensitive, emotionless pricks that plagued my past. I was convinced every poor relationships decision was a result of these guys and not me. Any negativity was their doing, because I was the perfect girlfriend and I didn’t deserve this. It was always them, thats the way it had always been…

As I grew older and remained single longer I began to think that there may be something wrong with me. At first I believed I just hadn’t found the right guy and I would be the perfect girlfriend to any guy. All those failed relationships around me, I wouldn’t be in one of them because I mean who would want to break up with me I wouldn’t do anything wrong? What are the fundamentals of a relationship? Love, be caring, be kind and don’t cheat? That is pretty much what I thought…oh I was naive. As time went on I realized maybe there was something wrong with me? I mean how could one person have so much bad luck and always end up finding the worst guys? It has to be something inherently wrong with me that I don’t know so I can’t fix.

I tried being not as picky and taking risks in regards to who I dated. Probably not always the best idea because in my case I learned it is okay to have standards that you adhere to and uphold. Standards mean you value yourself, and have some shred of self-esteem and self-respect. You hold yourself to a higher regard you don’t subject yourself to terrible things because you know you deserve better.

And amidst all this, one day I stopped caring. I went out there into the world and just gave up caring. I decided I was going to do me and see what came of my fate. And along that very short journey I met someone. That someone changed me so much as steered me off that course, that to this day I don’t know if I would say was the right or wrong course for me. But it led to where I am now so I am not complaining. 

However as I embarked upon my first real, serious, tangible relationship…long distance and all. Lots of effort, emotions and all, I realized, geez I’m not the perfect girlfriend I always thought I was. I was always criticizing other couples in my mind thinking, “hey if I was in that I wouldn’t screw it up…she/he is an imbecile.” And the only ways I thought one can really screw up a relationship is by cheating or abuse both of which are absolutely deplorable. 

Well I was wrong…you can screw up a relationship in so many other ways. For one you can be very different from the person you are seeing but similar all at once. You may be going through experiences and challenges they would not have ever foreseen or even begin to understand and that can separate you and cause friction. You can have a lack of physical contact or intimacy that leaves you both frustrated. You can be annoying, and a complainer because of your unhappy life circumstances, the downer in the relationship even though you think you are just venting trying to alleviate the pressure you feel. You can be a complainer…of your significant other to others and that isn’t exactly the best either. You can have a low-self esteem, and require more attention and assurance which can be difficult for your significant other to deal with. I am all of these things in various combinations all at once. I struggle with the challenges I pose to my relationship every day. I keep thinking I’m going to break what I build, I am going to sabotage and destroy it. 

Why? Because I don’t know how to change. This is who I am, who I’ve always been. I didn’t realize it was so annoying to be me…to go through what I do and to have to hear it. I didn’t realize that I would be a bad girlfriend…not sensitve to my signifcant other. Being such a chatterbox that I sometimes happen to cut them off. Not always being the greatest listener. It’s frustrating to see something you work at being torn apart and it’s because of you. Even though you thought you were the perfect gal for any guy. 

All I can think about is how many other relationships or potential relationships was I the destroyer of? How else have I self-sabotaged myself? Was it truly their fault? Or did I actually play some part in the past destruction. 

Can I learn from this by being introspective and self-aware? Can I change, are these changes positive and necessary? 

Filed under relationships girlfriend perfectgirlfriend heartache

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Until We Get There - Lucius 

What do you say
Is this the time
For one more try
At a happy life

So what do you say
Is it unwise
To think my fears
Will not reprise

Woo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Woo hoo hoo

Can’t be late
It’s a rising tide
Like an hour glass
Running out of time

So what do you say
What will you deicide
It’s a win or lose
On a rolling die

Woo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Woo hoo hoo

Woo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Woo hoo hoo

Gonna get out of the water
Gonna leave the storm
Cause everybody’s gotta get there somehow
And I won’t wait another day, another day

Woo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Woo hoo hoo

Woo hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Ooh hoo hoo
Woo hoo hoo

Won’t know until we get there 
You know I wanna get there

__________________________

I forgot about this gem! I discovered it while watching New Girl when one of my favourite tv show couples finally get together. While the pairing did not last which would usually make me really sad because I invest just a little too much in my tv show couples (due to a lack of real relationships at the time), I came to terms with this Maybe it was due to my own relationship happenings at the time. But whatever it was it left an impact. And as I listen to this song which I think is perfect for the summer as it is light, cheery, but also thoughtful sounding they lyrics are relatable. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like it’s ever the right time with someone other times it all just seems soo right. 

I enjoy the fact that the song says, “we won’t know until we get there, I want to get there”. I do want to get there and there is no sense in what if’ing yourself to death until you actually get there and see how things pan out. That’s how I feel about love and my relationship, and life in general. I am just not going to know and I’m okay with that because things have a lovely way of working out. 

Filed under lucius until we get there new girl love relationships

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How Can it Be Good and Bad?

How can people you encounter in life be so good to you, yet make you feel as if they’ve wronged you. Maybe it comes from a good place, it’s because they think they know better and what’s good for you. Why can’t they trust that you can take care of yourself that you are self-sufficient.

How can you forget everything someone’s done for you and make rash decisions regarding their stay in your life?

How can you throw these people, relationships, and words so carelessly? Why do you hurt the people around you without a moment’s hesitation…without the littlest amount of thought?

How come we can’t remember how we should treat people, or speak to them?

How come the good die young?

How does the world deal with all the death, dying, poverty, illness, and sadness?

How do you survive?

How do you learn to endure, to grin and bare it?

Filed under how survival relationships